Photo by Jinx! (Kelly Teague)
If not the greatest-ever Christmas song, “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” was certainly one of the most worthy. It raised millions for starving children, of course, but what most amazes me about this song is that, even though it was back in 1984, and even though they were pop stars, every one of the 40-odd artists who recorded the song is still alive. Good karma, right? You can’t help thinking that people like Robert Palmer, Kirsty MacColl and George Harrison (who, irony of ironies, invented the whole rock-for-starving-children concept) might still be with us if they’d made it to the recording studio. Whatever its long-term effect, that song was very special.
The eighties were my decade for following music. In the nineties, I was still easily young enough, but I had become an old fuddy-duddy early in life, preferring Vivaldi and Irving Berlin.
Fortunately, I hadn’t quite reached the standard of dagginess that my Dad (and most other Dads) had effortlessly managed when I was still in school. Despite having two teenage kids, he didn’t have a clue about modern music. I recall him seeing the gender-bending performer Marilyn (real name: Peter Robinson) on Countdown, singing his hit “Calling Your Name”. “Ooh, she’s got nice legs,” Dad said naughtily. When Sade, the smooth British soul singer, made the cover of Time magazine (the Australian edition at least), he said that “some Chinese woman” had been declared the week’s big story.
He reminisced about his own youth, telling me about such classics as “Sadie the Cleaning Lady”, which he seriously believed was top of the Hit Parade for about two years. This was truly embarrassing. Even in the eighties, nobody talked about “the Hit Parade” any more. And whatever you called it, nobody’s song ever made the top for two years (though in the case of “Sadie”, it might have seemed that way). While I no longer keep up with the music scene quite as diligently as I used to, I am determined never to be that clueless.
When people talk about music nowadays, they usually talk about how bad it is. They have always done that, of course, but now everything is the “worst ever”. Even 18-year-olds describe “Friday” as the “Worst. Song. Ever.” Presumably this means either a) they haven’t had time, in their young years, to hear such eighties chart-busters as Mel & Kim’s “FLM” or Paul Lekakis’ “Boom Boom”; or b) it really is that bad. Just as our athletes are faster and our computers are more powerful in 2012, our music has surpassed all previous levels of badness
Poor young Rebecca Black’s song, of course, is notorious for the inanity of the lyrics, as she sings about a normal day, so dull that she even thinks about where she is sitting in the car: “kicking in the front seat, sitting in the back seat.”
Dumb as this sounds, I recall going to a world music concert in New York some years ago, in which Brian Wilson (the greatest talent of the Beach Boys) was presented with a special award for his songs, which “reflected the hopes and aspirations of America’s youth”. Wonderful, of course, except that those hopes and aspirations were no more lofty than having “fun fun fun ’til her daddy takes the T-Bird away” and everybody going “surfing, surfing USA”. (Those, incidentally, were among the songs singled out in his tribute.)
Rebecca Black now sings of the banality of our current age, echoing the pain and suffering of modern youth (and anyone else who hears her sing). Inspired by this, I’ve decided to listen to some recent hits. Hopefully my comments won’t make me seem like I’m not cool.
“E.T.” – Katy Perry
My nephew loves Katy Perry and probably wants to marry her (though at seven, he’s too young). Me too (though I’m probably too old). Happily, we both have a chance, because she’s newly single and, as she’s already proven, she’ll marry any clown. As for the song: sorry, but I’m not a big fan of that trend in perfectly good melodies being interspersed Kanye West with rap beats. So glad that guy never teamed up with Dusty Springfield.
“Bad Romance” – Lady Gaga
I believe that this song is now old enough to be officially “ancient”. But I promise you, I enjoyed it when it was new. I really like it, but then I also like “Sugar Baby Love” by the Rubettes.
“Ravers in the UK” – Manian
Unfortunately, this one is painful to listen to. Literally. The only place where I ever hear it is my body pump sessions in the gym, and it’s always used for toughest lunge exercises. Hence, I now equate it with physical pain. A pity, as it’s a catchy number, and I’d enjoy it more if it was used as meditation music (although that wouldn’t really work).
“Friday” – Rebecca Black
Now THIS is good. If I ignore the words, the melody and that annoying, whiny voice, I can really adore this catchy little number. See? I’m really cool, right?
